Finding Light in the Dark; Managing grief.
- Amrit Bhullar
- May 23
- 5 min read
Updated: Jun 10
Grief is one of the most universal yet isolating human experiences. It comes uninvited, stays as long as it pleases, and shows up in ways that defy logic. Whether you've lost a loved one, a relationship, a job, or even a version of yourself, grief has a way of reshaping everything. It clouds our ability to function, to connect, and to feel like ourselves. For many, it feels like standing in a dense fog with no clear path forward.
In this post, we'll explore the hidden dimensions of grief, why society's expectations about mourning often fall short, and four evidence-based strategies that can help you honour your grief journey without being consumed by it.
As a counsellor, I've sat with countless individuals navigating the overwhelming weight of grief. But I also know grief personally. I've lost people I thought I couldn't live without. I've felt the numbness, the anger, the deep longing that has no words. My passion for supporting others through their grief comes not only from professional training but from standing in the trenches myself and learning how to slowly, and gently, take the next step forward.
I've tried these strategies myself. I've sat with the discomfort of grief, allowed it to speak, and learned to hold space for both the pain and the beauty it revealed.
My clients have shown me the power of these practices, too. I've witnessed people go from feeling utterly broken to building lives that honour their grief while embracing joy again. The change doesn't happen overnight, but it does happen.
Grief isn't a problem to solve—it's a journey to be walked. And though it may feel unbearable at times, you don't have to walk it alone. With gentleness, support, and the right tools, healing is possible. There is light, even if you can't see it right now.
The Hidden Weight of Grief
Grief isn't just about sadness. It's about disorientation. People often tell me, "I just don't feel like myself," or "I should be over this by now."
The research confirms what many of us experience: grief affects our entire being—physically, emotionally, cognitively, and spiritually. Yet many of us don't recognize these manifestations as grief, especially when they don't match cultural expectations of what mourning "should" look like.
The pain points of grief are many:
Isolation: Even when surrounded by others, grievers often feel completely alone
Guilt: There's guilt for surviving, for not doing more, for moving on too soon—or not soon enough
Anxiety: Grief disrupts our sense of safety; the world no longer feels predictable or fair
Exhaustion: Physical and emotional fatigue become constant companions
Loss of identity: Especially after losing someone deeply tied to who we are
The worst part? Society tends to rush grief. We're often expected to be "back to normal" long before we've had a chance to truly mourn. But grief doesn't run on a schedule—it moves in waves.
So how do we cope? How do we honour our grief without letting it consume us?
1. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve
Why it works: Research in neuroscience shows that acknowledging emotions, rather than suppressing them, reduces their intensity over time. When we allow ourselves to experience grief fully, we process it more effectively.
How to implement:
Set aside specific time to connect with your grief (Journaling for 10 minutes each morning)
Create a small ritual that helps you honour what you've lost
Allow yourself to cry without judgment
Use language that validates your experience: "I'm grieving, and that's completely normal"
This may sound obvious, but one of the biggest barriers to healing is not allowing ourselves to actually grieve. There's nothing weak or wrong about mourning.
2. Connect with Safe People
Why it works: Social connection acts as a buffer against the negative health impacts of grief. Research shows that isolation compounds grief's effects, while supportive connections can literally change how our brains and bodies respond to loss.
How to implement:
Identify 1-2 people who can sit with your pain without trying to fix it
Be specific about what you need ("I just need you to listen" or "I'd appreciate help with...")
Consider grief support groups where others understand firsthand
When ready, helping others can create meaning from your experience
Grief can be profoundly isolating, especially if those around you don't know what to say or avoid the subject altogether. Seek out one or two people who make space for your feelings—without trying to fix them.
3. Move Your Body (Even a Little)
Why it works: Grief lives in the body. It tenses your muscles, tightens your chest, and settles like a stone in your stomach. Movement releases stress hormones and activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps regulate emotional intensity.
How to implement:
Start with gentle, mindful movements like walking or stretching
Notice physical sensations as you move, without judgment
Use expressive movement to release emotions (dance, shake, or simply allow your body to move however it needs to)
Set extremely manageable goals—even 5 minutes counts
Try gentle stretching, walking in nature, or even dancing to a song that moves you. Don't aim for a workout—aim for reconnection with your body. Let movement be an act of self-compassion.
4. Seek Meaning, Not Closure
Why it works: Research by grief expert Dr. Robert Neimeyer shows that finding meaning is one of the strongest predictors of healthy adaptation to loss. "Finding closure" is a myth that pressures people to wrap up their grief like a finished project.
How to implement:
Ask yourself what this person or experience taught you
Consider how you might honour this loss through how you live now
Look for ways to integrate this loss into your life story
Explore creative expression (writing, art, music) to discover meaning
True healing often looks like finding meaning within the grief, not beyond it. It's important to ask yourself: What did this person or experience teach me? How can I carry them forward in how I live my life now? Grief can be a doorway into greater compassion, purpose, and depth—if we let it.
Let yourself grieve. Let yourself heal. You're not broken—you're becoming.
Which of these approaches resonates most with where you are in your grief journey right now?
FOLLOW @ETERNACOUNSELLING — FOR MORE WELLNESS TIPS, JOURNAL PROMPTS, & BLOGS
Need more personalized support with your grief journey? Our counsellors specialize in helping people navigate loss and find meaning even in life's darkest moments. Book a consultation to discover how we can walk alongside you.
About the Author: Amrit Bhullar is a registered clinical counsellor at Eterna Counselling. Amrit is passionate about helping clients find their own path through loss toward healing.
Comments