Tamara Dueckman
RSW | RCC
Shame keeps you stuck. Self-compassion moves you forward. There's other ways to respond when life gets hard.
I'm Tamara Dueckman, a therapist in Abbotsford who works with parents navigating pre- and postnatal transitions, couples rebuilding connection, and survivors of intimate partner violence reclaiming their lives. Maybe you're a new parent feeling overwhelmed by the shift in identity and wondering if you'll ever feel like yourself again. Maybe you're a couple whose connection has frayed under the pressure of daily life, or perhaps you're healing from intimate partner violence and trying to rebuild trust and safety. Maybe you're a survivor processing the impact of harm and trying to move forward. Or maybe you're simply weighed down by anxiety, disconnected, and questioning whether this is just how life feels now.
My Approach?
You don't have to have it all figured out to start.
Healing doesn't require perfection. It requires courage, honesty, and a willingness to show up for yourself with kindness rather than criticism. The shame spiral you've been stuck in? It's not motivating you to change—it's keeping you exhausted and repeating the same patterns. There's another way forward, one rooted in self-compassion, authentic connection, and the recognition that your struggle is part of being human, not evidence that you're broken.
$140.00
INDIVIDUAL
RSW
#17143
16+
AGES
$160.00
FAMILY/COUPLES
MAYBE YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE...
1
You're a New or Expecting Parent and You're Struggling in Ways You Didn't Expect
You're likely in your late 20s to early 40s, preparing for your first child or adjusting to life with a newborn. Maybe you're anxious about birth, your changing body, or whether you'll be a good parent. Maybe you've just had a baby and the reality of parenthood is nothing like you imagined.
You Might Be Experiencing:
Postpartum depression or anxiety that makes bonding feel impossible, intrusive thoughts that terrify you, identity confusion as you wonder if the person you were before still exists, relationship strain with your partner, isolation, guilt about not feeling the "instant love" everyone talks about, or complete overwhelm trying to balance it all.
My personal experience and professional work in pre- and postnatal mental health allow me to offer both empathy and expertise. I won't dismiss your struggles or offer simplistic advice. I'll help you navigate the emotional complexity, build self-compassion, and reconnect with yourself as you grow into this new chapter.
2
You're a Couple Who's Lost Your Way and You're Not Sure How to Find Each Other Again
You're in a committed relationship that's hit a rough patch, or maybe it's been rough for a while and you're finally acknowledging it. Careers, kids, and life stress have pushed your relationship to the back burner. What started as a strong connection now feels distant, strained, or hostile. You love each other, but you're not sure love is enough when every conversation ends in conflict or silence.
You Might Be Experiencing:
Communication breakdowns that go nowhere, emotional distance that makes you feel like roommates, resentment from unmet needs, loss of physical and emotional intimacy, conflict over parenting or finances, one partner carrying all the emotional weight, unresolved trust issues, or the exhausting question of whether the relationship is even worth saving.
I bring specialized training in the Gottman Method and Narrative-Informed Relational Interviewing to help couples identify harmful patterns, rebuild secure attachment, and strengthen their connection. I see relationship struggles not as one person being "wrong," but as cycles and unmet needs that partners get caught in together.
3
You're a Survivor of Intimate Partner Violence and the Path Forward Feels Anything But Clear
Maybe you've left the relationship, or you're still trying to figure out if leaving is the right choice. You're navigating the aftermath of intimate partner violence; physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, or financial, and trying to rebuild your sense of safety and self. Or perhaps you're in a relationship that's taken an unexpected direction and you're not sure what to do next.
You Might Be Experiencing:
Trauma responses like hyper-vigilance, flashbacks, or emotional shutdown, confusion about your own reality after gaslighting, complex feelings toward the person who harmed you, shame about what happened or how long healing is taking, difficulty trusting yourself or others, deep isolation because your experience feels too complicated to explain, or physical symptoms of chronic stress and trauma.
I have specialized training in working with survivors of intimate partner violence. I'll create space for you to process what happened at your own pace, rebuild your agency and self-trust, and explore what you need moving forward. Whether that's staying, leaving, or something more nuanced.
WHO I WORK WITH
Parents Navigating Pre- and Postnatal Mental Health
You're preparing for a baby or adjusting to life with a newborn, and nobody prepared you for this. Maybe you're dealing with anxiety about birth, feeling disconnected from your body, or struggling with the identity shift that comes with becoming a parent. Maybe you're in the thick of postpartum depression or anxiety, feeling like you're drowning while everyone around you celebrates. You're exhausted, isolated, & wondering if you'll ever feel like yourself again—or if "yourself" even exists anymore.
Couples Whose Connection
Has Frayed
You and your partner used to be close, but somewhere along the way—between work stress, parenting demands, or just the weight of daily life—you drifted apart. Maybe you're arguing more, feeling misunderstood, or worse, feeling nothing at all. The emotional distance is growing, and you're not sure if you're
fighting for the relationship or just going through the motions. You want to reconnect, but you don't
know where to start, and the thought of one more difficult conversation feels exhausting.
Survivors of Intimate Partner Violence—Individuals and Partners Committed to Healing
Perhaps you’re an individual navigating a relationship that has elements of intimate partner violence, or maybe you are putting the pieces of your life together now that you’ve left an abusive relationship.You need a space that's trauma-informed, safety-centred, & understands the complex layers of rebuilding trust, processing harm, & creating new patterns of relating. The path forward feels unclear, & you need someone who understands that
healing from violence isn't linear
—it requires both accountability and compassion, safety and possibility.
WHAT WE'LL WORK ON TOGETHER:
Self-Compassion as the Antidote to Shame
• Understanding why self-criticism keeps you stuck and how self-compassion creates actual change
• Learning the 3 components of self-compassion: mindfulness, common humanity, & self-kindness
• Developing practical self-compassion practices for difficult moments (based on Dr. Kristin Neff's research)
• Breaking the shame spiral that intensifies anxiety, depression, and relationship problems
• Responding to mistakes and setbacks with kindness rather than harsh self-judgment
Trauma-Informed Support for
Survivors of Partner Violence
• Creating safety-centred space for processing experiences of intimate partner violence
• Understanding trauma responses and how they show up in your body, relationships, and daily life
• Rebuilding sense of safety, agency, and trust—in yourself and potentially in relationships
• Processing complex feelings about harm, accountability, and healing
• Developing boundaries and recognizing healthy vs. unhealthy relational patterns
• Supporting long-term healing and growth beyond survival
Pre-natal and
Postnatal Mental Health
• Processing anxiety about pregnancy, birth, and becoming a parent
• Navigating postpartum depression, anxiety, and intrusive thoughts with compassion
• Addressing the identity shift that comes with parenthood and rebuilding your sense of self
• Managing the relationship changes that accompany having a baby
• Developing realistic expectations and self-compassion for the messy reality of early parenthood
• Building support systems and addressing isolation
Anxiety, Depression &
Emotional Regulation
• Understanding how anxiety and depression show up in your body, thoughts, and behaviours
• Developing practical strategies for managing overwhelming emotions
• Breaking anxious thought patterns and challenging cognitive distortions (CBT)
• Creating safety and stability when emotions feel out of control
• Building capacity for difficult feelings without being consumed by them
• Addressing physical symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression
Relationship Repair and Connection (for Couples)
• Understanding the emotional patterns and attachment wounds beneath your conflicts
• Improving communication so both partners feel heard & understood
• Rebuilding intimacy both emotional and physical after distance has grown
• Navigating conflict about parenting, finances, division of labor, and unmet expectations
• Healing from betrayals or trust ruptures with honesty and accountability
• Creating new patterns of connection that feel sustainable and authentic
Life Transitions
& Identity Shifts
• Navigating life changes—parenthood, relationship shifts, healing from violence, adulthood
• Processing the grief that accompanies growth
• Exploring who you are beyond assigned roles or trauma
• Developing values-aligned decision-making when the path feels unclear
• Managing the uncertainty and vulnerability of stepping into something new
• Building resilience and self-compassion through transition periods
THINGS I WON'T DO WHEN YOU WORK WITH ME:
I won't judge you for struggling—whether you're a parent who doesn't feel instant love for your baby, a couple who's considering separation, or a survivor navigating complex feelings about staying or leaving.
I won't use therapy jargon or clinical language that creates distance—I'll speak to you like a real person having a real conversation.
I won't take sides in couple's therapy or make one partner the "problem"—I'll help you see the patterns you're both caught in.
My Approach?
AUTHENTIC CONNECTION & SELF-COMPASSION
What makes my approach different is my deep investment in helping you develop self-compassion as a foundational skill for navigating life's challenges. I don't just talk about being kind to yourself; I teach you practical, research-backed strategies (based on Dr. Kristin Neff's work) that rewire how you respond to difficulty, failure, and pain.
I also bring specialized training and experience in working with parents navigating pre- and postnatal transitions, couples rebuilding connection, and survivors of intimate partner violence. I understand the unique challenges these experiences bring and how to support you through them with both warmth and practical tools.
When working with survivors of intimate partner violence. I create trauma-informed, safety-centred space that honours the complexity of your experience and supports long-term change with accountability and care.
You'll find me genuine, warm, and real. I won't use jargon or hide behind clinical language. I'll meet you exactly where you are, honour your pace, and believe in your capacity to create a life that feels authentic and aligned. Yes, even when you don't believe in it yourself yet.
I DRAW FROM SEVERAL APPROACHES
Narrative Therapy
Exploring the stories you tell yourself about who you are & what you've
experienced, separating you from the problem, & co-creating new narratives that feel empowering and authentic.
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy
Developing skills for emotional regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, and interpersonal effectiveness—particularly helpful for managing intense emotions.
Emotion-Focused Family Therapy
(EFFT) - Supporting caregivers of loved ones who experience mental illness through self-reflection, self-compassion, & practical, emotion-focused communication strategies
Self-Compassion Practice
(Dr. Kristin Neff's framework) - Learning to respond to yourself with mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness rather than harsh criticism—the research-backed foundation for lasting change.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
Examining the connections between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and learning practical strategies to challenge unhelpful patterns and create sustainable change.
Acceptance & Commitment Therapy
(ACT) - Learning to relate to your emotions, thoughts, & experiences in a way that is focused on acceptance, willingness, cognitive defusion, and values-based committed action.
Trauma-Informed Therapy
Recognizing how past experiences shape current responses, & working at your pace
to create safety, empowerment, & healing
without re-traumatization. Essential for work with survivors of intimate partner violence.
Anti-Oppressive Practice
Recognizing how systems of power, privilege, and oppression impact mental health, and creating space where all identities, backgrounds, and experiences are honoured and validated.
WHO I AM—BACKGROUND
DEGREES & EDUCATION
Master of Social Work
University of the Fraser Valley (2024)
B.A. in Child & Youth Care
Douglas College (2012)
SPECIALIZED TRAININGS
Narrative Therapy - L.1 & 2 Foundations
Trauma-Focused CBT
PROFFESIONAL REGISTRATIONS
BC College of Social Workers (RSW)
Registration #17143
BC Association of Clinical Counsellors
Registration #23688
Motivational Interviewing -
Introductory and Advanced Training
Gottman Method Level 1
(level 2 in progress)
Emotion-Focused Family Therapy L.2
DBT Adolescents Training
Narrative-Informed Relational Interviewing
(working with conflicted couples)
I became a therapist because I witnessed the transformative power of being truly seen and understood. Early in my career working in child and youth care, I saw how many people; kids, teens, parents—were struggling not because they were broken, but because they'd never had space to be vulnerable, to process their pain, or to believe they deserved kindness.
I wanted to create that space. I wanted to be someone who could sit with people in their hardest moments & help them see that their struggle didn't define them, that they weren't alone, and that there was another way forward beyond the shame and self-criticism that kept them stuck.
I'm a mother of two, and parenthood was nothing like I expected.
The identity shift, the relationship strain, the isolation of struggling while everyone else's feed looked effortless. I lived it.
I navigated my own postpartum challenges and questioned my capacity as a parent more times than I can count.
Those experiences didn't just give me empathy. They gave me insight into how deeply we need self-compassion during life's hardest transitions, and how unhelpful shame is when we're already doing our best.
Through my work, I've watched people be incredibly hard on themselves in ways they'd never be toward someone they love.
I've seen survivors carry guilt that belongs to those who hurt them. I've seen couples shame each other for unmet needs instead of speaking vulnerably.
I've learned that when shame decreases, everything else, anxiety, depression, and relationship problems, becomes more manageable. That's the shift I help people make.
When you work with me, you'll find someone who gets it, not just theoretically, but experientially. I won't judge you, rush you, or offer surface-level advice.
Whether you're navigating new parenthood, healing from intimate partner violence, working through relationship wounds, or just trying to be kinder to yourself, I'm here for the long haul.
You don't need to have it figured out. You just need to be willing to show up.
TAMARA DUECKMAN
Outside of the therapy office, you'll often find me spending time with my husband and two kids. We love exploring the outdoors together—whether it's hiking local trails in the Fraser Valley, going camping, or traveling around our beautiful province. These adventures not only create wonderful family memories but also help me stay grounded and connected to the natural world.
As a naturally curious person, I have a deep love for learning. I'm always reading at least one book (or three!). Everything from murder mysteries to romances to memoirs, and I enjoy discovering new podcasts that expand my understanding of the world and human experience. This continuous learning enriches both my personal life and my professional practice, bringing fresh perspectives to my work with clients.
I'm also committed to practices that help me stay attuned to my own wellbeing. I practice yoga regularly because movement and stretching help me stay connected to my body and manage stress. I prioritize rest, reflection, and the kind of self-compassion I encourage my clients to develop and recognizing that I can't pour from an empty cup.
These interests and practices aren't separate from my work as a therapist; they inform it. They remind me that life is about more than productivity and achievement, that connection matters more than perfection, and that taking care of ourselves isn't selfish—it's essential.