The Other Side of Anxiety: When Your Values and Actions Don't Align

Cecilia Mannella
May 30
3 min read

Updated: Jun 10

It's 3 AM and you're wide awake—again. That familiar tension in your chest, racing thoughts, and a vague sense that something isn't right. But what if this anxiety isn't just random noise in your nervous system? What if it's actually trying to tell you something important about how you're living your life?

In this post, we'll explore the often-overlooked connection between anxiety and your personal values, and provide practical steps to listen to what your anxiety might be telling you.

Two Faces of Anxiety: Disorder vs. Signal

"I'm feeling anxious" or "I'm struggling with my anxiety" are phrases we hear often. While all feelings are valid, anxiety manifests in different forms and serves different purposes in our lives.

There are clinically recognized anxiety disorders—and then there's what I call "the other side of anxiety." This is the anxiety that emerges when we begin living outside our core values. Like a car alarm that activates to warn us of potential danger, this form of anxiety is our body's way of alerting us that something isn't aligned in our lives.

With anxiety disorders, the car alarm goes off randomly and persistently when there's no actual threat—a malfunction in the system. With values-based anxiety, the alarm is functioning exactly as designed—alerting you to pay attention to something important.

When Values and Actions Collide

Our personal values form the foundation of our identity—they're the principles we believe in and aspire to embody. When our actions contradict these values, internal conflict arises, often manifesting as anxiety.

Consider this example: If integrity is one of your core values, you prize honesty, consistency, and follow-through. Your identity includes being someone whose words and actions align. But what happens when you find yourself:

Breaking commitments you've made
Being dishonest with others (or yourself)
Failing to stand up for what you believe is right

The disconnect between your value (integrity) and your actions (behaviours that lack integrity) creates internal conflict. This conflict generates anxiety—a signal telling your mind and body that you're not living in accordance with what matters most to you.

The Self-Assessment: Listening to Your Anxiety

When anxiety arises, instead of immediately trying to eliminate the feeling, try this values-based self-assessment:

Step 1: Clarify Your Values

Ask yourself:

What is truly important to me?
What principles do I want to guide my life?
What do I stand for?
What qualities make up my core identity?

Step 2: Examine Alignment

Then investigate:

How am I currently living in relation to these values?
What recent choices have I made that might conflict with my values?
Am I participating in situations that compromise what matters most to me?
Have I been making excuses for behaviours that don't reflect who I want to be?

This examination often reveals the source of anxiety that might otherwise remain mysterious. The physical sensations of anxiety—the racing heart, tight chest, or churning stomach—are trying to get your attention, not just make you uncomfortable.

Practical Application: Transforming Anxiety into Guidance

The next time anxiety surfaces, try this approach:

Pause and breathe: Create space between the feeling and your reaction to it
Get curious: Ask "What might this anxiety be telling me about my values?"
Identify the conflict: Name the specific value-action gap that might be present
Make one aligned choice: Take a small step toward realignment rather than trying to change everything at once

Remember that this process isn't about adding guilt or shame to your anxiety. It's about using anxiety as information that can guide you back toward a life that feels more authentic and aligned.

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Need more personalized support with your journey? Our counsellors specialize in helping people navigate life's moments. Book a consultation to discover how we can walk alongside you. About the Author: Cecilia Mannella is a registered clinical counsellor at Eterna Counselling. Cecilia is passionate about helping clients find their own path through anxiety toward healing.