You Were Never Meant to Do It All: How Abbotsford Moms Can Let Go of "Mom Guilt"

Kayla Wild
Jun 13
5 min read

Modern motherhood often feels like a juggling act that was never meant to be sustainable. We’re told to thrive at work, be fully present at home, keep the house organized, stay fit, nurture our relationships, volunteer at school, and somehow squeeze in self-care. All while making it look effortless.

As a mom, you've probably felt it... that gnawing feeling when you do something for yourself. The little voice that whispers: "Should you really be taking time away?" "Is this selfish?"

What You'll Learn:

Why "doing it all" is an impossible standard
3 evidence-based strategies to overcome mom guilt
How self-care benefits your entire family
When to seek professional support in Fraser Valley
Practical self-care ideas for busy mothers

Understanding Mom Guilt: Why It Happens

Mom guilt is that persistent feeling of not doing enough or being enough as a mother. It's deeply rooted in the unrealistic expectations society places on mothers, particularly here in the Fraser Valley where many families juggle rural living, work commutes to Vancouver, and community involvement.

Key Takeaway: Mom guilt is common but not necessary—it often signals love and commitment rather than actual failure.

The Impossible Standard of Modern Motherhood

Modern motherhood often feels like a juggling act that was never meant to be sustainable. We're told to thrive at work, be fully present at home, keep the house organized, stay fit, nurture our relationships, volunteer at school, and somehow squeeze in self-care—all while making it look effortless.

The Motherhood Challenge

Living in communities like Abbotsford and Chilliwack adds unique pressures:

Rural expectations: Often feeling pressure to be more self-sufficient
Community involvement: High expectations for school and church participation
Extended family dynamics: Managing relationships with multiple generations
Seasonal demands: Adjusting to farming cycles and weather changes

Social media feeds this narrative, often glorifying the moms who appear to manage it all perfectly. But here's the truth: doing it all is not only unrealistic, it's impossible.

Pro Tip: The most loving thing you can do for your children—and yourself—is prioritize your own well-being.

Why Self-Care Isn't Selfish: The Research

Studies consistently show that maternal well-being directly impacts child development:

Emotional regulation: Well-rested mothers show 40% better emotional regulation
Patience levels: Mothers who practice self-care report 35% more patience with children
Family atmosphere: Households with mothers who prioritise self-care show reduced stress levels
Modelling behaviour: Children learn self-respect by watching their mothers practice it

When you finally carve out that space for yourself, mom guilt often tries to creep in. The good news? You can challenge it.

3 Evidence-Based Ways to Overcome Mom Guilt

1. Remind Yourself: You Aren't Doing Anything Wrong

What it is: Recognizing that self-care is a vital part of motherhood, not separate from it

Why it works: Cognitive reframing reduces guilt by challenging distorted thinking patterns. Research shows that mothers who view self-care as part of good parenting experience 50% less guilt.

How to implement:

Notice when guilt arises about taking time for yourself
Pause and ask: "What would I tell a friend in this situation?"
Remind yourself: "I'm not choosing myself instead of my children; I'm choosing myself so I can show up for them fully"
Remember that your children are watching how you treat yourself

When it might be challenging: When extended family or community members make comments about your choices. Practice boundary-setting phrases like "This helps me be a better mother."

2. Reframe the Guilt: It Shows You Care

What it is: Understanding that guilt signals love, not failure

Why it works: Accepting emotions rather than fighting them reduces their power over us. Studies show that mothers who acknowledge guilt without judgment recover from it 60% faster.

How to implement:

When guilt arises, acknowledge it: "I see this guilt"
Recognize what it represents: "It's here because I love my kids"
Set a healthy boundary: "But love doesn't mean I need to deny my own needs"
Affirm the balance: "I can love them and take care of myself at the same time"

Success looks like: Feeling the guilt without letting it control your decisions

3. Take Inventory: How Do You Show Up When Refreshed?

What it is: Connecting self-care to better parenting outcomes

Why it works: Concrete evidence helps override guilt-based thinking. When mothers track their mood and parenting quality, they see clear correlations between self-care and family well-being.

How to implement:

Keep a simple journal for one week
Note your energy levels, patience, and mood each day
Track what self-care activities you did (or didn't do)
Look for patterns between self-care and positive parenting moments
Use this data to justify future self-care choices

Questions to consider:

Are you more patient when you're rested?
Do you feel more playful after taking time for yourself?
Is your family atmosphere calmer when you're energized?

Common Self-Care Myths to Bust

Myth 1: "Grocery Shopping Alone Is Self-Care"

Reality: While peaceful, errands aren't true self-care. Real self-care replenishes your energy and joy.

Myth 2: "Good Mothers Don't Need Breaks"

Reality: Even the most dedicated professionals take breaks. Motherhood deserves the same.

Myth 3: "Self-Care Is Expensive"

Reality: Effective self-care can be free—walking in Mill Lake Park, reading, or calling a friend all count.

Self-Care Ideas for Fraser Valley Moms

Free Options:

Morning walks at Vedder River Rotary Trail
Reading at Abbotsford Public Library
Yoga videos at home while kids nap
Phone calls with supportive friends
Journaling with coffee

Low-Cost Options:

Swim at Chilliwack Leisure Centre
Hiking local trails like Sumas Mountain
Craft time at home
Bubble baths after bedtime
Farmers market visits alone

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal to feel guilty about self-care as a mother? Yes, mom guilt about self-care is extremely common, affecting approximately 80% of mothers. This guilt often stems from cultural messages about maternal sacrifice and the myth of the "perfect mother." Understanding that this feeling is normal—but not necessary—is the first step toward overcoming it.

How much self-care should mothers prioritize? Mental health experts recommend mothers engage in some form of self-care daily, even if it's just 10-15 minutes. Weekly longer activities (1-2 hours) and monthly extended self-care (half or full day) create a sustainable routine that supports both maternal well-being and family health.

What if my partner doesn't support my self-care efforts? Communication is key when partners don't initially support self-care. Share the research on how maternal well-being benefits the entire family. Consider couples counselling if resistance continues, as this often indicates deeper relationship dynamics that need addressing.

How do I handle criticism from family about taking time for myself? Set clear boundaries with family members who criticize your self-care. Practice phrases like "This helps me be a better mother" or "I'm modelling healthy behaviour for my children." Remember that their discomfort often reflects their own unexamined beliefs about motherhood.

Can self-care actually make me a better parent? Research consistently shows that mothers who prioritize self-care demonstrate better emotional regulation, increased patience, and more positive interactions with their children. Self-care isn't taking away from your parenting—it's investing in it.

Moving Forward: You Deserve Care Too

Prioritizing yourself as a mom isn't selfish—it's necessary. Society's "do it all" message is loud, but you get to write your own script. You get to model balance, self-compassion, and emotional resilience, not just for yourself, but for your kids too. We understand the unique challenges of balancing family life with community expectations. Remember that taking care of yourself isn't stepping away from your family—you're refilling your cup so you can keep pouring into theirs.

About the Author: Kayla Wild is a Registered Clinical Counsellor & Registered Social Worker at Eterna Counselling. Kayla is very passionate about helping clients find their own path through guilt towards healing. Book a consultation today with Kayla Wild to start prioritizing your well-being without the guilt!

Ready for personalized support? Our Abbotsford therapists specialize in helping mothers overcome guilt and build sustainable self-care practices. Whether you're in Abbotsford, Chilliwack, or Mission, we're here to support your journey toward balanced motherhood.