How to Recognize Anxiety's 5 Sneaky Habits (And Take Back Control)
- The Eterna Team
- Oct 3
- 5 min read
You're lying in bed at 2 AM, replaying that conversation with your colleague from three days ago. Did they think your idea was stupid? Are they talking about you behind your back? Your mind races through every possible catastrophe that could unfold at work tomorrow. Sound familiar?
Here in Abbotsford, anxiety seems to have become an unwelcome companion for so many of our clients. If you've ever felt like anxiety has hijacked your thoughts and stolen your peace of mind, you're definitely not alone in this struggle.
Anxiety operates through five predictable patterns:
1) Mind reading (assuming others think negatively about you),
2) Fortune telling (predicting catastrophic outcomes),
3) Selective record keeping (focusing only on mistakes),
4) Bullying (partnering with perfectionism to critique everything),
5) Word mastery (using "should" statements to create guilt and shame).
Understanding these specific anxiety habits helps you recognize when anxiety is driving your thoughts rather than reality. Once you can identify these patterns, you can begin to challenge them and reclaim control over your mental space. With the right strategies, you can learn to shrink anxiety's power and step back into a more balanced way of thinking.
We see how exhausting it can be to live with an anxious mind that never seems to quiet down. The constant worry, the self-doubt, the endless "what-ifs"—these experiences are completely understandable given the pressures of modern life. What you're feeling isn't a character flaw; it's a very human response to stress and uncertainty.
When Your Mind Becomes a Fortune Teller
Anxiety loves to paint vivid pictures of everything that could go wrong. It whispers stories about getting fired, relationships ending, or disasters striking your loved ones. The cruel irony? If anxiety actually worked as a carnival fortune teller, it would go bankrupt quickly—every prediction is catastrophic and joy-killing.
What's happening here is that your brain is trying to prepare you for potential threats, but it's gotten stuck in overdrive. Instead of helpful caution, you're getting an endless stream of worst-case scenarios that probably won't happen.
What you can try instead:
● Notice when your thoughts shift into "what if" mode
● Remind yourself: "This is anxiety fortune-telling, not reality"
● Ask: "What evidence do I actually have for this worry?"
● Focus on what you can control in this moment
I'm Convinced Everyone is Judging Me
That look your boss gave you during the meeting? Anxiety immediately translates it as "they think you're incompetent." Your partner didn't notice your new haircut? Clearly, they find you unattractive. Anxiety transforms you into a mind reader, and unfortunately, it only reads negative thoughts.
The truth is, most people spend about 99% of their mental energy thinking about their own lives, challenges, and concerns. That "judgmental" look from your boss might have been them worrying about their own presentation or thinking about what to make for dinner.
Pro Tip: When you catch yourself mind reading, ask: "What are three other possible explanations for this person's behaviour that have nothing to do with me?"
When Perfectionism Becomes Your Bully
Anxiety rarely works alone—it teams up with perfectionism to create an impossible standard. Just when you think you've finally reached the bar of "good enough," anxiety and perfectionism move the goalposts. Nothing you do is ever quite right, and every small mistake becomes evidence of your inadequacy.
This partnership thrives on "should" statements: "You should have done it differently," "You should be further along by now," "They should appreciate you more." These words create a constant sense of falling short and leave you feeling shame, guilt, and embarrassment.
The Selective Memory Game
Anxiety keeps meticulous records, but only of your mistakes, awkward moments, and perceived failures. It conveniently forgets your successes, kind gestures, and moments of strength. This
isn't a factual record—it's a carefully curated collection designed to keep you feeling insecure and doubtful.
When anxiety pulls out its "evidence" against you, remember that it's only telling half the story. For every mistake it highlights, there are probably several successes it's choosing to ignore.
Three Ways to Stand Up to Anxiety
Remember Your Preferred Story
What do you actually want from your life? What values and beliefs do you hold sacred? When anxiety takes over, it's easy to lose sight of who you want to be and how you want to live.
Creating a clear picture of your preferred way of being—whether that's being a compassionate friend, a creative problem-solver, or someone who takes thoughtful risks—gives you something to move toward instead of just running away from anxiety.
Consult Your Inner Wisdom
Inside each of us is a wise, caring voice that has our best interests at heart. This isn't the harsh voice of anxiety—it's the gentle voice that remembers your strengths and believes in your ability to handle challenges.
What would this inner consultant remind you about yourself? Has there been a time when you successfully stood up to anxiety before? What did you do then, and how can you draw on that experience now?
Step Into the Light with Support
Anxiety grows stronger in isolation and secrecy. When you share your anxious thoughts with someone who cares about you, something almost magical happens—anxiety begins to lose its power and shrink.
Anxiety wants you alone and disconnected because it benefits from isolation. Whether it's talking to a trusted friend, family member,
FAQ'S
Is it normal to have anxious thoughts every day? While occasional anxiety is normal, daily anxious thoughts that interfere with your life or relationships may benefit from professional support. Many people in our Abbotsford practice find that learning specific strategies helps reduce both the frequency and intensity of anxious thinking.
How can I tell if my worries are realistic or just anxiety? Realistic concerns are usually proportional to actual risks and lead to productive problem-solving. Anxiety-driven worries tend to be catastrophic, repetitive, and focused on unlikely worst-case scenarios. If you're spending more time worrying than taking action, it's likely anxiety at work.
Will these strategies work immediately, or does it take time? Learning to manage anxiety is a gradual process that requires practice and patience with yourself. Some people notice small improvements within a few weeks, while deeper changes often develop over several months. The key is consistency and self-compassion as you build new mental habits.
Should I seek professional help for anxiety? If anxiety is significantly impacting your work, relationships, sleep, or daily activities, counselling can provide personalized strategies and support. Many people find that having a safe space to explore their anxiety
BEFORE YOU GO:
If you recognize yourself in these anxiety patterns, please know that you're not broken or weak—you're human. Anxiety might feel overwhelming right now, but it doesn't have to be in charge of your life. With understanding, practice, and the right support, you can learn to quiet that anxious voice and step back into a sense of calm and confidence.
Remember that growth happens gradually, and setbacks are part of the process. Each time you recognize anxiety's habits and choose a different response, you're building stronger mental resilience. You have more power over anxiety than it wants you to believe.
Ready to take back control from anxiety? Our therapists in Abbotsford specialize in anxiety treatment using evidence-based approaches that help you develop personalized strategies for managing worried thoughts and rebuilding confidence. Book a consultation today to begin your journey toward greater peace of mind.
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