Kaitlin Rai
REGISTERED CANADIAN COUNSELLOR (RCC)
When you're tired of repeating the same patterns—in your relationships, in how you feel, in how you show up—there's a way forward.
I've worked with young people and families navigating the weight of what they carry from their past into their present. I understand that your anxiety, your people-pleasing, your struggle to feel safe in relationships—these aren't flaws. They're your nervous system's best attempts at survival based on what you learned growing up. Together, we'll explore where these patterns come from with curiosity instead of judgment, and discover whether they still serve you or if it's time to choose something different. Because healing doesn't happen through advice or quick fixes—it happens through being truly seen, understood, and supported as you reconnect with your authentic self and build relationships that finally feel safe.
My Approach?
You don’t need fixing—you space to understand & shift.
I help youth and young adults (15-35) who feel stuck in cycles of people-pleasing, self-doubt, and conflict reconnect with who they truly are and build relationships that feel calm, safe, and genuine. My approach isn't about fixing what's wrong with you or just managing symptoms. It's about understanding your whole story—how your early experiences shaped how you respond to the present, how patterns get passed down through families, and how the coping strategies that once protected you might now be keeping you stuck.
$140.00
INDIVIDUAL
$160.00
FAMILIES
15+
AGES
RCC
#27470
MAYBE YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE...
1
You're a Young Person Who Feels Stuck in the Same Patterns—And You're Exhausted
You're in your teens trying to survive your family environment and figure out who you are beneath everyone else's expectations. Or you're in your twenties wondering why your relationships always feel so hard, why you keep choosing the same kind of people, why you can't stop overthinking everything.
Maybe you're in your thirties & finally ready to understand why you react the way you do—why conflict feels unbearable, why you make yourself small, why "I'm fine" has become your default even when you're drowning.
You might be experiencing:
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The same arguments with family, friends, or partners on repeat
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Feeling like you're "too much" or "not enough" for the people in your life
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Exhaustion from always being the strong one, the responsible one, the one who has it together
I get it. I've been there. I've navigated my own journey through childhood trauma, relationship endings, and the exhausting work of unlearning people-pleasing. I know what it's like to lose yourself in relationships and to realize the coping strategies that helped you survive are now keeping you stuck.
2
You're a Family, Couple, or Parent-Youth Dyad Trying to Understand Relational Cycles
Maybe you're parents & your teenager, and you can't remember the last conversation that didn't end in a door slam or silent treatment. Or you're a couple in your twenties or thirties who keep having the same fight, and both of you can see how it mirrors your own families—but you don't know how to stop the cycle.
Maybe you're individuals who realize your relationship struggles aren't just about your current partner or family member; they're about patterns that go way back.
You might be experiencing:
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Communication that breaks down into blame, defensiveness, or shutdown
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The same argument on repeat (and it's never really about the dishes)
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Feeling disconnected from the people you love most
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Trying everything you can think of, but nothing seems to change
I've worked with teenagers trying to be heard by their parents, parents trying to reach teenagers who've shut them out, and couples whose nervous systems trigger each other in ways that leave both people feeling alone. This work is about understanding the roots—not just managing the symptoms.
3
You're a Young Woman or Emerging Adult Who is over-functioning, overachieving or high performing
You're tired. Bone-tired. You've spent so long making yourself small, suppressing your anger, putting everyone else's needs first, that you barely remember who you are when you're not performing a role. Maybe you grew up learning that your feelings were "too much," that keeping the peace was your job, that being the good daughter/friend/partner meant sacrificing yourself. Now you're in your twenties or thirties wondering why you feel so disconnected, so burnt out, so resentful underneath the smile.
You might be experiencing:
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Difficulty setting boundaries without intense guilt
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Anger you've been taught to suppress as a child
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Feeling like you don't even know who you are beneath the roles
you play
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Felling like you're always over- functioning, overachieving or high performing
I've researched anger in women. I understand emotional suppression literally makes us sick—mentally and physically. I've worked with countless young women & emerging adults who are exhausted from people-pleasing, who are disconnected from their authentic selves, who are starting to realize that being "nice" has cost them everything.
WHO I WORK WITH
Youth (15-18)
Who are navigating family conflict, identity formation, trauma, and the transition to independence
Families, youth & parent dyads
Who are navigating communication breakdowns within complex family relationships & generational patterns
Young adults (19-25)
Who are figuring out who they are, processing childhood experiences, & navigating relationships & life direction
Couples ( 20-40)
Who are dealing with conflict, attachment wounds, & family-of-origin patterns showing in their relationships.
Emerging adults (25-35)
who are tired of repeating patterns and ready to understand why their relationships feel the way they do
Individuals dealing with trauma Including sexual exploitation, family conflict, emotional abuse, or other adverse childhood experiences
WHAT WE'LL WORK ON TOGETHER:
Trauma & Relationship Patterns
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Understanding how earlier experiences shape how you respond to the present
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Processing childhood trauma, grief, & difficult emotions
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Recognizing why you end up in the same relationship situations
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Breaking free from patterns that no longer serve you
Emotional Suppression
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Setting boundaries without guilt or fear of abandonment
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Understanding people-pleasing and what it's protecting
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Processing anger, grief, & emotions you've been taught to suppress
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Reconnecting with your authentic self beneath the roles you play
Family Conflict & Relationship Repair
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Understanding cycles that leave everyone hurt and misunderstood
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Learning how family patterns get passed down through generations
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Building communication skills that actually work for your family
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Repairing relationships with parents, teens, or partners
Anxiety, Depression & ADHD
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Understanding what your symptoms are trying to tell you (anxiety as messenger, not enemy)
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Building emotional regulation and distress tolerance skills
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Learning how nervous system dys-regulation affects attention
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Moving from managing symptoms to understanding the deeper "why"
Life Transitions
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Understanding why you keep having the same fight (it's not about the dishes)
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Identifying attachment styles & how it shows up in conflict
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Learning to repair disconnection instead of avoiding or escalating
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Building emotional safety and secure connection
Identity & Self-Care
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Figuring out who you are beneath everyone else's expectations
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Navigating major life transitions (leaving home, career changes, relationship endings)
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Building a life that feels aligned with your values instead of fear
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Understanding your sense of purpose and meaning
THINGS I WON'T DO WHEN YOU WORK WITH ME:
I won't judge you.
I won't pressure you to forgive or repair relationships
I won't give up on your capacity to grow & change.
I won't treat your patterns as problems to eliminate.
I won't rush you.
My Core Belief—
Connection is essential for healing. Whether it's your connection with yourself, with family, with friends, or with a partner—relationships are where we get hurt, & they're also where we heal. When you feel safer in your connections with others, everything else starts to shift.
My Approach?
I START BY LISTENING—REALLY LISTENING
I work from a trauma-informed, narrative, and family systems framework, which means I begin by listening to your whole story. Not just the problem that brought you to therapy, but the full context of your life: how earlier experiences shape how you respond to the present, your relationships, your family patterns, your sense of meaning and purpose.
I bring my own lived experience to this work—I've navigated relationship endings, grief, health challenges, financial stress, and my own journey through childhood trauma. I understand what it's like when life doesn't go according to plan, and I know that real change doesn't happen through advice—it happens through being truly heard and understood.
I've worked extensively with youth and families in community settings, and I've seen firsthand the power of creating safe, non-judgmental spaces where people can finally put down the weight they've been carrying.
I DRAW FROM SEVERAL APPROACHES
Narrative Therapy
Exploring the stories you tell yourself and rewriting the ones that no longer serve you (completed Level 1 of Narrative Therapy)
Attachment Theory
Understanding how early relationships shape current patterns in all your connections
Trauma-Informed Care
Creating safety, choice, and empowerment in the therapeutic process
Somatic/Body-Based Approaches
Tuning into what your body is telling you and building nervous system regulation through nature-based therapy
Family Systems
Understanding how family patterns and dynamics shape who you are and how you relate to others
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Working with emotions as information and building attachment security (especially powerful for couples and families)
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Get to know the different parts of yourself that show up in moments of stress, anxiety, or conflict—and learn how to listen to what they're trying to protect you from.
WHO I AM—BACKGROUND
DEGREES & EDUCATION
MA | Counselling Psychology
Yorkville University (2024)
BA | Child & Youth Care
Douglas College (2022)
PROFFESIONAL REGISTRATIONS
Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC)
#27470
Certified Canadian Counsellor (CCC)
#11254305
SPECIALIZED TRAININGS
Nature-Based Therapy in Practice
Human Nature Counselling Society
Narrative Therapy Lvl. 1
Van. School of Narrative Therapy
Family Systems Lvl. 1
Center for Trauma Informed Practices
Trauma Informed Care
Yorkville University
I'm Kaitlin Rai, a Registered Canadian Certified Counsellor (RCC) based in Abbotsford, BC. For more than ten years, I've had the honour of working with youth and families, which has deeply influenced my understanding of the role that relationships play in promoting healing and growth.
I've worked with youth and families in community settings for over a decade—from teenagers trying to figure out who they are beneath the expectations, to young adults in their twenties and thirties working through how childhood experiences still shape their relationships today.
I chose to become a therapist because I watched young people come alive when someone finally took the time to understand their story—not to fix them, not to give advice, but to help them see themselves and their relationships differently.
I also saw how many young people learn to suppress their emotions, prioritize everyone else's needs, or disconnect from themselves just to feel safe. Maybe you grew up in a home where your feelings were too much.
Maybe you learned that keeping the peace was more important than speaking up. Maybe you became the strong one, the responsible one, the one who has "it all together". I wanted to create a space where you could put down that weight.
Where you could feel what you actually feel without fear of judgment. Where families could understand the patterns being passed down and choose something different.
Because here's the thing:
those coping strategies saved you. But now we get to explore whether they still serve you, or whether it's time to try something new.**