We can navigate the hard feelings with a shift in our mindset. How do I know this? Because we are all wired to adapt to our environments.
Adapting to our environment is what we do when we need to just get by at times. Have you ever thought about how you emotionally and mentally protect yourself? What are your automatic go-to’s and why? How did you learn these skills? Were they gifted to you by someone? Do these skills continue to serve you? Are they helpful or are they harmful in your life now?
These are the questions we can ask ourselves.
If you’re like most people, you have acquired amazing skills at keeping yourself safe and will do your best to stay away from anything that feels gross, uncomfortable, or not right. We are magically resourceful in learning ways to adapt and survive in our surroundings. Hands down we got this covered regardless of what this might look like!
These are the superpowers we hold within ourselves that protect us. But, there usually comes a time in our life that these adaptive skills no longer serve us. What once was a way to keep safe and comfortable can actually lead us to isolation, loneliness, and detachment from those who care for us.
Does anything of this sound familiar to you? Being a survivor, adapting to your world and being resiliently resourceful is called being human.
Let me explain this concept in greater detail…
When we are in survival mode we aren’t thinking logically due to being in a ‘fight or flight‘ response. This emotional and mental distress can feel at times like life or death; meaning, we are feeling challenged, backed into a corner, defensive, threatened, called to react, how this may look for you. But, we figure it out, we adapt and we survive as we are wired for these moments.
Once we have successfully managed to survive emotionally and mentally harmful situations a few times, we can hold onto these skills that have helped us. We are resourceful and will continue to adapt to whatever life throws our way. These coping skills can either be healthy or unhealthy, but the key here is that they help us when we need them to.
Have you ever felt rejected or abandoned?
If you know these feelings you also know the feelings of extreme devastation, isolation and loneliness that come with it. Now, back to knowing, as humans, we are wired to adapt to our surroundings and will do what it takes to protect ourselves (our superpower).
Having this superpower can come at a cost though. If you’re someone who does whatever they can to not feel the feelings of rejection & abandonment your superpower might look like disassociating and not getting too close to people – this is how you protect yourself.
But what if I told you that you CAN handle these feelings and other hard feelings too. You can counter these superpowers that no longer serve you.
Here are 3 ways you show up for yourself, shift your mindset and navigate the hard feelings:
- Ask yourself; what am I protecting and why? Are these skills still helpful or are they hindering me? Be curious and ask the why’s of what is happening.
- Challenge yourself to sit in feeling the feelings. You have the skill and ability to feel hard feelings and will grow strong from this. When you ignore feelings they don’t go away, they get bigger, and they hold more space in you. Take your power back and hold space for yourself to feel the feelings.
- Be the support you need. Often we look to others to make us feel better, I am here to tell you that YOU are the only one who can support and hold space for those hard feelings.
You can feel hard feelings and handle them, I promise.