Have you ever thought about how much you talk to yourself? No, I’m not referring to folks with split personalities or those responding to internal stimuli. I’m referring to the internal narrative that we constantly have running in the background. I’ve got 3 things for you to think about when shifting your internal self-talk.
Did you know that most of our daily conversations are internal discussions? This means that the most influence we have in our days is from us! It’s interesting to think about. Especially when we are so heavily influenced by social media and ‘keeping up with the Jones’ as the saying goes.
Have you ever thought about what you say to yourself and whether you would speak the same way to someone you love?
It’s interesting when the conversations head in this direction with my clients. Because, often folks are unaware of the stories they tell themselves and how it leads to their choices and decisions. It also impacts their feeling of not being in control. This is all coming from the internal conversations that we can’t get away from.
However, we can change what we are saying to ourselves. After all we are the ones who created our internal dialogue in the first place.
How? We make meaning of our surroundings and in this we also tell ourselves stories about who we are in relation to our environment. We created these internal narratives and we have the power to change them too.
The reality is, that if our internal conversations are negative then we are constantly telling ourselves negative things about who we are and this impacts how we show up for ourselves and for others. Since we make meaning of our surroundings, we also find external validation for these meanings.
What am I talking about? If we are having a bad day, it’s amazing how many things we can find that are going or going to go wrong. Yet, when we are having a great day so many things are going our way. Does this sound familiar?
Have you every received a compliment and thought ‘oh, they are just saying that‘ or ‘they are just being nice‘? Have you ever gotten curious as to why you think this way? Where did this come from? Why won’t you welcome compliments?
It comes back to what you believe to be true about yourself which is influenced by the stories you tell yourself about who you are.
Let’s be honest, we have all had negative internal conversations at some point or another in our lives. It’s not about judging whether you do or you don’t, it’s about supporting yourself to shift these narratives. I am not suggesting that you stand on a mountain top and shout out positive self narratives to the world…
I am encouraging you to check in to what you tell yourself and if nothing else, shift the internal self-talk to a more neutral narrative. If you are up for the challenge I strongly encourage you to pursue how Positive Psychology can be helpful in shifting your mindset into a more positive focus. There is tons of research on the topic at your disposal.
Now, the 3 things I encourage you to think about and get curious about…
#1 Pay attention to what you are telling yourself throughout the day.
Ask yourself: is this helpful or harmful? Does this internal self talk support you in who you want to be or is this holding you back from you being you?
#2 Be intentional in what you do or don’t tell yourself about who you are.
Think about: what you are capable of and what you deserve. Hold space for yourself and be aware of what you are telling yourself about who you are.
#3 Speak to yourself as you would someone you love.
When negative self-talk shows up ask yourself: ‘would I say this to my partner, parent. and/or friend?’ If you wouldn’t why would you say it to yourself?
Checking into your internal narrative can be challenging because these feel intrinsic to who we are, however, this isn’t the case and we can change it.
At some point we developed and created these internal narratives for a reason that served us in those moments. If those narratives no longer serve you, change it!
You have the power to change your thoughts and how you show up for you. You got this, do the hard things and be the better you!